More often the
secrecy of how we can relate to our in-laws can be a source of tension in any
relationship; however, understanding the aspects of a good coexistence can significantly
reduce the various harmful elements that can affect that relationship.
In the Article,
´´Creating Healthy Ties with In-Laws and Extended Families´´ Harper and Olsen
share, ´´This may be difficult for daughters who have close relationships with
their mothers. Marriage, to be successful, requires married daughters to share
more with their husbands than with their mothers. This can be hard for mothers
who want daily communication with daughters and for daughters who feel guilty
about limiting contact with mothers. Too much contact with the daughter could
result in the son-in-laws feeling that his spousal relationship is being
smothered.´´ I have someone who was victim about mother´s influence in his
marriage, in spite they had a great relationship to her wife who was her best
friend at school for more than ten years, and I never imagined they could divorce.
Sometimes, in-laws could be the woodworm for a relationship, instead a
peacemaker.
Rick, one of my
companions observes his hard time with her mother in-law and his brother in-law
is about how she involved in his life and the intensity of her communication to
her wife, while his brother in-law talked hardly with him. Another peer,
consider the issue is about financial decision, where his husband consider
important to provide some money to her family as she get paid. In spite those
sources of pressure that can create fear, anger frustration, and resentment,
the problem can fix. Perhaps for some it could take time, while for other
destroy their marriage.
In my opinion,
before any compromise it is important to identify some subtle comportment that
may be a source of tension in our marriage, and be able to evaluate how your
goal is in your marriage, for some it appears easier to radicalize Genesis 2:24
´´Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto
his wife: and they shall be one flesh´´ Nevertheless, the context of this verse
just help the couple identify and understand his priority. It is important to
make objectively your goal, for example I know some couple who decide to assume
some responsibility at the beginning of their marriage, for example to avoid
loneliness, one of them may decide to take with them a brother or sister at
home. Nevertheless, that decision may have a n long effect when this couple
bear their own children. Probably it could be worst if your purpose is not reachable, and you decide whether you'd like to
modify it and keep the relationship with the in-law, I think being flexible may
help us identify what is possible to change or not. Even if it is better to
keep alive the relationship, but it is relevant to adjust until you assess new
goal. Those goals may have a purpose to provide a healthy
alternative, for examples you can decide to support my spouse in dealing with
his parents, or make sure my children appreciate time with our grandparents.
Probably, one
of the most common errors some couple tends to make in his relationship is
never set boundaries. However, boundaries may be both physical and emotional.
An example of physical boundary, some months ago, a friend of mine visits her
parents, while there, she called her husband to tell him that she will not be
able to get home this day. That call is not only frustrating for his husband in
this moment, it seeds discord and complain, I also think the excessive phone
calls may be a source of pressure, even if it is not a problem when my wife
calls his parents. For the emotional boundary, it may be warning to talk not
about your parents’ behaviors or issues in your conversation or discussion. It
is important for couple avoid any kind of expression or critic that may denigrate
their in-laws, especially when they are not present. To conclude, ascertain
your new goal warns and regulates all of your synergies. If you assume to
elevate the quality of the time your parent pass with your children or your
couple, do not hesitate to do so. Never think your parent will turn to you with
love and affection and feeling disappoint or resentful if you are disregarded.
Instead, remember that behavior was left over from your former goal of waiting
your parent to treat you nicer, but it's not useful for you.
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