Find joy with your in-laws (by B. Gregory)

More often the secrecy of how we can relate to our in-laws can be a source of tension in any relationship; however, understanding the aspects of a good coexistence can significantly reduce the various harmful elements that can affect that relationship.

In the Article, ´´Creating Healthy Ties with In-Laws and Extended Families´´ Harper and Olsen share, ´´This may be difficult for daughters who have close relationships with their mothers. Marriage, to be successful, requires married daughters to share more with their husbands than with their mothers. This can be hard for mothers who want daily communication with daughters and for daughters who feel guilty about limiting contact with mothers. Too much contact with the daughter could result in the son-in-laws feeling that his spousal relationship is being smothered.´´ I have someone who was victim about mother´s influence in his marriage, in spite they had a great relationship to her wife who was her best friend at school for more than ten years, and I never imagined they could divorce. Sometimes, in-laws could be the woodworm for a relationship, instead a peacemaker.

Rick, one of my companions observes his hard time with her mother in-law and his brother in-law is about how she involved in his life and the intensity of her communication to her wife, while his brother in-law talked hardly with him. Another peer, consider the issue is about financial decision, where his husband consider important to provide some money to her family as she get paid. In spite those sources of pressure that can create fear, anger frustration, and resentment, the problem can fix. Perhaps for some it could take time, while for other destroy their marriage.

In my opinion, before any compromise it is important to identify some subtle comportment that may be a source of tension in our marriage, and be able to evaluate how your goal is in your marriage, for some it appears easier to radicalize Genesis 2:24 ´´Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh´´ Nevertheless, the context of this verse just help the couple identify and understand his priority. It is important to make objectively your goal, for example I know some couple who decide to assume some responsibility at the beginning of their marriage, for example to avoid loneliness, one of them may decide to take with them a brother or sister at home. Nevertheless, that decision may have a n long effect when this couple bear their own children. Probably it could be worst if your purpose is not reachable, and you decide whether you'd like to modify it and keep the relationship with the in-law, I think being flexible may help us identify what is possible to change or not. Even if it is better to keep alive the relationship, but it is relevant to adjust until you assess new goal. Those goals may have a purpose to provide a healthy alternative, for examples you can decide to support my spouse in dealing with his parents, or make sure my children appreciate time with our grandparents.

Probably, one of the most common errors some couple tends to make in his relationship is never set boundaries. However, boundaries may be both physical and emotional. An example of physical boundary, some months ago, a friend of mine visits her parents, while there, she called her husband to tell him that she will not be able to get home this day. That call is not only frustrating for his husband in this moment, it seeds discord and complain, I also think the excessive phone calls may be a source of pressure, even if it is not a problem when my wife calls his parents. For the emotional boundary, it may be warning to talk not about your parents’ behaviors or issues in your conversation or discussion. It is important for couple avoid any kind of expression or critic that may denigrate their in-laws, especially when they are not present. To conclude, ascertain your new goal warns and regulates all of your synergies. If you assume to elevate the quality of the time your parent pass with your children or your couple, do not hesitate to do so. Never think your parent will turn to you with love and affection and feeling disappoint or resentful if you are disregarded. Instead, remember that behavior was left over from your former goal of waiting your parent to treat you nicer, but it's not useful for you.

Meet our Family needs through our Councils (by B.Gregory)

In an occasion the Savior taught, ´´For which of you, intending to build a tower, sitteth not down first, and counteth the cost, whether he have sufficient to finish it? Lest haply, after he hath laid the foundation, and is not able to finish it, all that behold it begin to mock him, Saying, This man began to build, and was not able to finish´´ (Luke 14: 28-30). I never forgot the time I read these verses and how they impacted my life and my conception about planning.  Taking this teaching in Family concept could be the best way to implement this principle in our Family Council that may help us put the foundation of problem solving, the foundation of love, kindness, patience, tolerance; it is through our council we may evaluate our progression as family and be able to implement or improve ourselves as couple.

Planning has always been one of the characteristics of God, according to the Scriptures, we read before the creation of the world there was a Great Council presided by Elohim, who presented a perfect plan in which his children could come on the earth, obtain a body and then will return in his presence. Although nobility and humility reigned among those who are willing to support the Plan of the Father, which had one of its purposes to preserve the free will of the children of men to enable them to progress. But, it was where we learned about the beginning of our opposition in mortality.

Our Heavenly Father invites us to be like Him, it was through this request we recognize our potential and characteristic as we follow Him we could be and do the same thing He did. Our family council provides us opportunity to plan and resolve any issues we may face as family, but it is important to recognize which way we face. Elder M. Russell Ballard says, ´´A family council, when conducted with love and with Christlike attributes, will counter the impact of modern technology that often distracts us from spending quality time with each other and also tends to bring evil right into our homes.´´ I doubt not in our Family Council our leadership may improve and the power of the priesthood manifest. Nevertheless, Elder Ballard suggests at least four types of family councils:

First, a general family council consisting of the entire family.

Second, an executive family council consisting of a mother and father.

Third, a limited family council consisting of parents and one child.

Fourth, a one-on-one family council consisting of one parent and one child.

In spite all those suggestions, the main point is seeking for the Holy Ghost,  like Elder Henry B. Eyring says; ´´Where people have that Spirit with them, we may expect harmony. The Spirit puts the testimony of truth in our hearts, which unifies those who share that testimony. The Spirit of God never generates contention (see 3 Ne.11:29). It leads to personal peace and a feeling of union with others. It unifies souls. A unified family, a unified Church, and a world at peace depend on unified souls.´´

Stop using the red flags of flirtation in your marriage (by. B. Gregory)

Stop using the red flags of flirtation in your marriage

Being selfish and egocentrism may be one of the main reason some people misunderstand the effect of the flirtation. I also think the manner we were educated may influence in that attitude, however my understanding about this sacred commandment ´´to be one flesh´´ constitute my Northern to face that situation, I am not exonerated to find me in a situation that may affect my marriage, if I am not nurturing the fondness of my relationship continuously.

Flirtation can lead to infidelity and destroy a marriage like a woodworm. Laura presented a Formula that I find interesting to explain the result of the slippery slope to disaster that is the sum of vulnerability, opportunity and one dumb decision. When a marriage face dissatisfaction, financial pressures, stress, lack of mental, emotional and physical boundaries those situation or behaviors constitute the vulnerability of that relationship, but this couple more often use his/her workplace, social media, conventions to escape them that may create a certain opportunity to flirting, fantasizing, dressing provocative, texting, being alone with your opposite sex you feel attracted to or seeking opportunities to be together. Therefore, one way to prevent a disaster is reducing our vulnerability, that I think the Seven Principles Gottman provided in his book may be a great instrument to achieve that.

In my opinion our parenthood can help our children become resilience to be prepared for those issues. My wife and I make sure to synchronize the manner we educated our children, we support each other in our decision making, perhaps one of us may be wrong in our actuation, but we never disputed each other decision towards our children to create confusion. We also strive to help them never become addicted to any approbation. More often the flirtation takes relevant when the couple face some situation, which may be emotional, intimacy and others; instead to communicate to his/her spouse about the issue, the resentful couple or the offender prefer involved a new partner, worse when this new one is an opposite sex. I find interesting what Gottman says, ´´A crucial goal of any marriage, therefore, is to create an atmosphere that encourages each person to talk honestly about his or her convictions.´´

 I also recognize when you feel afraid to talk about your wife or respond to our opposite sex about your marriage, it may constitute a red flag. In my own case, I have a great esteem for my wife, she is my priority in all I do and will do. When I have conversation with my opposite sex, I am not afraid to mention those qualities and attributes that characterize my wife; she is my reference to talk about fidelity, virtue, kindness, comprehension, responsibility, service, love, I often find those qualities that fix to her. Therefore, after each conversation I may have to my opposite sex I felt my relationship became stronger and regenerated. Before I got married, in a conversation I had with my wife, I asked her, ´´Are you jealous? Three times, twice she responded negatively, but the third time I formulated my question, she responded, ´´until you do not do something that will provoke it´´ It could be not wise to ask her enumerate a list that may cause that, because my conscience tells me exactly when I stand for on the sand. 

President Ezra Taft Benson said, ´´If you are married, avoid flirtations of any kind. Sometimes we hear of a married man going to lunch with his secretary or other women in the office. Men and women who are married sometimes flirt and tease with members of the opposite sex. So-called harmless meetings are arranged, or inordinate amounts of time are spent together. In all of these cases, people rationalize by saying that these are natural expressions of friendship. But what may appear to be harmless teasing or simply having a little fun with someone of the opposite sex can easily lead to more serious involvement and eventual infidelity.´´ Nevertheless, President Benson gave us some questions to identify those red flags, ´´Would my spouse be pleased if he or she knew I was doing this? Would a wife be pleased to know that her husband lunches alone with his secretary? Would a husband be pleased if he saw his wife flirting and being coy with another man?

It is common for those who flittering claim she or he acts like that because he or she lacks of empathy, probably it is where the confusion. Empathy never leads us to harm other; instead this concept helps us to put you in the other shoe. Like Victor Cline states; “Love is presented as a physical thing and nothing more. Movies legitimize adultery, infidelity, and immorality because ‘the physical attraction is so beautiful.’ All they are doing is justifying irresponsibility, telling us that passion overwhelms and justifies all. Well, in my view this is an antisocial message, destructive and Satanic in impact. It degrades love, and it is destructive of human personality and male-female relationships.´´