Stop using the red flags of flirtation in your
marriage
Being
selfish and egocentrism may be one of the main reason some people misunderstand
the effect of the flirtation. I also think the manner we were educated may
influence in that attitude, however my understanding about this sacred
commandment ´´to be one flesh´´ constitute my Northern to face that situation,
I am not exonerated to find me in a situation that may affect my marriage, if I
am not nurturing the fondness of my relationship continuously.
Flirtation
can lead to infidelity and destroy a marriage like a woodworm. Laura presented
a Formula that I find interesting to explain the result of the slippery slope
to disaster that is the sum of vulnerability, opportunity and one dumb
decision. When a marriage face dissatisfaction, financial pressures, stress,
lack of mental, emotional and physical boundaries those situation or behaviors constitute
the vulnerability of that relationship, but this couple more often use his/her
workplace, social media, conventions to escape them that may create a certain
opportunity to flirting, fantasizing, dressing provocative, texting, being
alone with your opposite sex you feel attracted to or seeking opportunities to
be together. Therefore, one way to prevent a disaster is reducing our
vulnerability, that I think the Seven Principles Gottman provided in his book may
be a great instrument to achieve that.
In
my opinion our parenthood can help our children become resilience to be
prepared for those issues. My wife and I make sure to synchronize the manner we
educated our children, we support each other in our decision making, perhaps
one of us may be wrong in our actuation, but we never disputed each other
decision towards our children to create confusion. We also strive to help them
never become addicted to any approbation. More often the flirtation takes
relevant when the couple face some situation, which may be emotional, intimacy
and others; instead to communicate to his/her spouse about the issue, the
resentful couple or the offender prefer involved a new partner, worse when this
new one is an opposite sex. I find interesting what Gottman
says, ´´A crucial goal of any marriage, therefore, is to create an atmosphere
that encourages each person to talk honestly about his or her convictions.´´
I also recognize when you feel afraid to talk about
your wife or respond to our opposite sex about your marriage, it may constitute
a red flag. In my own case, I have a great esteem for my wife, she is my
priority in all I do and will do. When I have conversation with my opposite sex,
I am not afraid to mention those qualities and attributes that characterize my
wife; she is my reference to talk about fidelity, virtue, kindness,
comprehension, responsibility, service, love, I often find those qualities that
fix to her. Therefore, after each conversation I may have to my opposite sex I
felt my relationship became stronger and regenerated. Before I got married, in
a conversation I had with my wife, I asked her, ´´Are you jealous? Three times,
twice she responded negatively, but the third time I formulated my question,
she responded, ´´until you do not do something that will provoke it´´ It could
be not wise to ask her enumerate a list that may cause that, because my
conscience tells me exactly when I stand for on the sand.
President Ezra Taft Benson said, ´´If
you are married, avoid flirtations of any kind. Sometimes we hear of a
married man going to lunch with his secretary or other women in the office. Men
and women who are married sometimes flirt and tease with members of the
opposite sex. So-called harmless meetings are arranged, or inordinate amounts
of time are spent together. In all of these cases, people rationalize by saying
that these are natural expressions of friendship. But what may appear to be
harmless teasing or simply having a little fun with someone of the opposite sex
can easily lead to more serious involvement and eventual infidelity.´´
Nevertheless, President Benson gave us some questions to identify those red
flags, ´´Would my
spouse be pleased if he or she knew I was doing this? Would a wife be pleased to know that her husband lunches alone with his
secretary? Would a husband be pleased
if he saw his wife flirting and being coy with another man?
It is common for those who flittering claim she or
he acts like that because he or she lacks of empathy, probably it is where the
confusion. Empathy never leads us to harm other; instead this concept helps us
to put you in the other shoe. Like Victor Cline states; “Love is presented as a
physical thing and nothing more. Movies legitimize adultery, infidelity, and
immorality because ‘the physical attraction is so beautiful.’ All they are
doing is justifying irresponsibility, telling us that passion overwhelms and
justifies all. Well, in my view this is an antisocial message, destructive and Satanic
in impact. It degrades love, and it is destructive of human personality and
male-female relationships.´´
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