Some years ago, some friends and I went on a
trip to a village to beat us from the Caribbean heat. Once our time approached
to go in the pool, one of our friends left the group, time later my friend returned
and ready to bathe. He seemed nervous and joyful, he did walk around the pool,
minutes later, he threw himself into the deepest part of the water; obviating a
warning from people who did not know to swim by not jumping on this area of the
pool. It was a horrible scene for my friend, where his inability to swim has
been challenged on the water. I noticed his sudden and desperate movements, I also
realized that my friend did not know to swim, without questioning I threw
myself into the water and took him out. Afterwards, I asked him, could you tell
me the reason for throwing in the water if you did not know to swim, he
answered me; ´´I thought the water was not deep, because I did take a bath more
often in other pool.´´
Could it be the illusion that my friend had
of the water at this moment that caused him to throw himself in the water? Or
maybe he trusted to his previous experience of bathing in other pools?
Comparing my friend´s situation in marriage, more often couple struggle with
situation they have control and other time not. Thinking about my friend ability,
he´s so smart playing baseball, basket-ball and checkers, but not enough to
swim. If he considered his ability to coordinate with us about his incapacity
to swim form the beginning, probably he could take that opportunity to learn
how swimming. Thinking about what Gottman says; ´´In satisfying relationships,
partners incorporate each other’s goals into their concept of what their
marriage is about. These goals can be as concrete as wanting to live in a
particular kind of house or to attain a certain academic degree.´´ Our capacity
to swim may contribute to our friend weakness to do so. Neverthesss, his lack
of prevention make unclear his purpose. Prevention has always been the most
important factor to reduce unnecessary expenses, or losses due to the excess
purchase of perishable products. The verb prevent ´´act in anticipation´´ from
Latin praeventus, past participle of praevenire ´´come before, anticipate,
hinder´´ I am not so wise to prevent all, but wisely to avoid all I can. Commonly
I heard ´´A cautious person is worth two´´ or ´´Prevent is worth more than cure.´´
Is it possible to think about prevention in Marital Behaviors? The response is
yes. For some couples, struggling with disagreement may be harmful and
stressful, while others may find it as new way to improve their relationship. Couples
may always have in mind two kinds of disagreements perpetual and solvable
problems. It is important their identification and learn how to face them.
About perpetual disagreements Gottman says; ´´But when partners can’t find a way to accommodate these perpetual
disagreements, the result is gridlock….
Each becomes more deeply entrenched in his or her position, making compromise impossible.´´
For maintaining active our Marital Poop
Detector we need to be comprehensive to each other, be able to recognize your
partner perspective and goals can contribute in this effort. You need to make a
choice, a choice to be teachable, be patient and consistence in our effort to
improve our relation. Remember our level of compromise are correlated to our satisfactions
Gottman argues about that when he says; ´´Keep working on your unresolvable
conflicts. Couples who are demanding of their marriage are more likely to have
deeply satisfying unions than those who lower their expectations. Increase our
charity to each other may induce in our preparation to maintain actively our Marital
Poop Detector I would like concluding with this quote by Elder Marvin J. Ashton
when he said; "Perhaps the greatest charity comes when we are kind to each
other, when we don't judge or categorize someone else, when we simply give each
other the benefit of the doubt or remain quiet. Charity is accepting someone's
differences, weaknesses, and short comings; having patience with someone who
has let us down."
No comments:
Post a Comment