I often heard this phrase life is a continuous struggle. Nevertheless,
people may tend to pronounce it in different occasions that may vary from one
circumstance to other. Perhaps the way they react when these adverse situations
arise will tell how prepared they were for. Their personal character or
patterns may mold their disposition to be optimism. After marriage, I do not
believe there is a more important relationship in life that requires more
preparation to survive for this life, and even more after this.
Sadly, a lot of did not achieve this noble aspiration, for
allowing themselves to be devoured by some wolves, which often stalk their
prey. Elder Bruce C. Hafen referred to three kinds of wolves every marriage need
to struggle. The first wolf mentioned by Elder Hafen is natural adversity, the
second wolf is own imperfections and the third is excessive individualism.
The first wolf of adversity is inevitable, because it is part of
mortality. But, we also learn through adversity, troubles, and distress we
acquire many experiences that may lead to spiritual growth. Prophet Jeremiah
taught; ´´ for I know the thoughts that I
think toward you, saith the Lord, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give
you an expected end.´´1 the peace promised here is not like the world, the Savior to her
disciples with that ´´ Peace I leave
with you, my peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I
unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid.´´2 Through the Savior´s
peace in our adversity we can learn how being dependent to our Heavenly Father.
Many couples who face the second wolf, tends to ruin their
emotional life, including their spiritual life. The wolf of our own imperfections
often focuses in our ability to talk negatively to others. It is easy to
identify, but so difficult to kill in our life, because less we project to
yourself when we face it. Elder Hafen shares an experience, where he says; ´´One
woman told him through her tears how her husband’s constant criticism finally
destroyed not only their marriage but her entire sense of self-worth. He first
complained about her cooking and housecleaning, and then about how she used her
time, how she talked, looked, and reasoned. Eventually she felt utterly inept
and dysfunctional.´´ I think the wise counsel of King Benjamin may be helpful
in our strategies to kill the second wolf, when he taught; ´´I say unto you that as I have been suffered to spend my
days in your service, even up to this time, and have not
sought gold nor silver nor any manner of riches of you; I tell you these things that ye may
learn wisdom; that ye may learn that when ye are in
the service of your fellow beings ye are only in the
service of your God.´´3 Instead you destroy other, you can create an environment where
this person may feel a little self-confidence in his relationship, and be able
to develop his talents, virtues or attribute they didn´t know before.
The wolf of excessive individualism characterize our society, I
think more and more people lose interest in their relationship, because they
prefer to maintain that individualistic constantly. I recognize our individualistic
character may be respected in every relation, but marriage is not a contractual
relation, where each partner assumes 50% in their responsibility, once I do my
part, I am not able to concede aspic to my part. However, if we look at our relationship from
an eternal perspective, it would be easier to develop the eternal attributes
that characterize this relationship.
To conclude, as we strive to live according the God´s principles,
our possibility to kill those wolves in our marriage may take time, but it is
evident we will be victorious in our constant effort.
Reference
1- Jeremiah 29:11
2- John 14:27
3- Mosiah 2: 12, 17
4- Hafen C. B. (1996) Covenant
Marriage. Proceedings from the Church of Jesus Christ of
Latter-day Saints General Conference: Retrieved from https://www.lds.org/general-conference/1996/10/covenant-marriage?lang=eng
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