Professor Bradley Barnett says; ´´I have realized that pride first
starts in our own individual hearts and then begins to have influence in our
marriage and finally can significantly impact our [Church membership] and other relationship we may have´´
(Cursive added). Personally of all destructive behaviors for the human race
without doubt, pride is one that many people understand less and manifest more
in their relation. Not because we do not know his manifestations in others and
his harmful effect in family, community or politic classes. More often those
who affect by this emotional virus tend to refuse or accept that it is so.
Nevertheless, when the possessor of this behavior fails in admitting the needs
to change or accept his condition, the consequences can create resentment in
the victimizer.
In this article I am not going to analyze
about the entire manifestations of pride, instead I will expose some of his
faces until we understand better how this feeling can harm our life, and those
people that we love. Once that two people decide to get marriage or create his
own family, it´s because unanimously accepting to be one person. However, over
time certain feelings that have been valuable tend to lose their value. Before
we get married we make sure to complain the need of that person, while when we
get into it is hard to share the whole of you for that person. Through those
following points, we can evaluate if we are prideful or not.
I
ndividualism: One of them is the individualism, I remember at the beginning of my
marriage how easier for my wife to use the personal pronoun ´´we´´ while it´s
difficult for me to do so. After I mastered in my ´´we´´, my perception about
our relation change automatically. Bind our difference to build our whole. Once
our view of self is increasing, we become self centered. We tend to perceive
not the different point of as something natural, but as a personal attack.
Therefore our response to every situation is one of defensiveness because we
feel attacked even if we simply disagree over the most minor problems.
Fault-finding: People suffering
from the pride syndrome are very susceptible to discovering and looking for the
faults of others. They work 24/7 in their production area, because pride wants them innocent than others, a pride
filled person has an expertise a finding fault in others, while they deny the
beam in their own eyes.
Defiance their spouse influence: Another scaffolding of pride is the
impossibility of letting the other be part or influence our lives. When we
cling to the principles of humility our capacity to be one increase, we will be
more willing to accept the advice of our spouse; therefore as we consider we
are better than our spouse, we block all kind influence by them.
Disregard of the commitment of others: The most difficult thing knows that other
is not able to satisfy their needs. Pride filler people tend to be possessive,
this tendency greatly influences the way they perceive others. We are very cold
in front the needs of others, because we do not recognize it. As we are so
focused on self that we no longer see the struggles, challenges, hurts, needs and
failures of others.
Addiction to attention: Pride filler people requires attention, because we
believe to be important than other. We want to be centered of the whole that
succeed around us. For example, for prideful spouse if any event like ill,
accident or something else affect the other, instead paying attention how to
assist the other, a pride filler spouse immediately thinks about how that will be
an inconvenience him/her and not their spouse. Their own interests come first and
always first.
Never recognize they are wrong: Probably one of the
most difficult characteristic of prideful people is recognizing something is
wrong. Normally his attitude may characterize for two points; the first one they may not be able to see
they are wrong and second they are not willing to admit their error even when
they know it is there, they always find a way to justify them.
Incapacity to perceive opposing viewpoints. In Proverb, we read; ´´Don´t be wise in
our own opinion´´ but, differently pride makes us thinking as king. However,
all who perceives the world differently than us are wrong. Probably it may
subtle outside of our marriage. When we oppose or compel our spouse cannot
think differently than you, it is a sign of pride. Difference never means not,
it may be the unique way to complete what we think.
Lack of spirit of sacrifice and submission. It is easier to perceive that tendency,
because they tend acting to our own way. While marriage requires that we
sacrifice our individual dreams and desires for the well being of the
relationship. It also requires us to differ our decisions to one another in
order for the union to embellish. Pride persuades us that sacrifice is down us
and docility is irrelevant.
Never asking for help, always expecting for
it: Pride filler person tend to overvalue all, which increase the possibility to make us
ask for assistance. Even if we can perceive something as our weaknesses, we
often think other may see that and do what we expect to them. Other need to see
like us even though we don´t say anything about.
Refusal to submit: It could be difficult for a prideful person to recognize her situation
may need the intervention of a professional. Nevertheless, prideful couple may
consider not important or humble sufficiently to hear wise counsel of a
professional, in case we attended counseling, we simply go so our point can be
approved.
As we recognize the difference face pride may
manifest in our marriage, it could be easier to prepare and face it. Certain
small things we can do are learning to say pardon, serve each other without any
expectation in return; recognize and apologize when something good is done.
Support each other in their goals and challenges. Criticizing less; seek constantly
the best way to express love and demonstrate kindness. Those and more
characteristics may add while we increase together.
References
Gottman,
John (2015) The Seven Principles for
Making Marriage Work. New York, Harmony
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