Success is a constant accumulation of small
things. However, the tendency of many people is enlighten to do great things in
an interrupted manner within a long period of inactivity, while more often their
needs and wants to each other are unsatisfied. Where I currently live, this way
of proceeding is constantly perceiving daily, including it makes part of some
political strategic class use to get popularity; sometimes they may deny during
its long period of government some primordial works, nevertheless when the
electoral period approaches they intensify the accomplishment or realization
for some electoral promises, frequently the execution of those projects tend to
lack quality and durability. However, the moral "little by little the bird
makes its nest" is nonexistent.
Gottman in his Book ´´The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work´´ urges some wise
counsels that every couple may apply to reach their happiness goal. In a
research he realizes, Gottman finds the important to do fewer act constantly; he
says, ´´Our research confirms the central role that bids play in a
relationship. In our six-year follow-up of newlyweds, we found that couples who
remained married had turned toward their partner’s bids an average of 86
percent of the time in the Love Lab, while those who ended up divorced had
averaged only 33 percent.´´ The great changes that humanity is experiencing
today have been the fruit of small flames of discoveries, whose discoverers by
their enthusiasm ignited these small flames. Imagine the cluster of small
gestures or bids within your daily relationship
I realize people who are able to overcome the
adversities and difficulties of life has a better prepared emotionally, spiritually
and economically and often understand the principle of continuous preparation,
consistence, enthusiastic and self-discipline. While I think about the value of
time, I discovered that the most valuable moment I had, frequently some members
of my family are involved. Perhaps, it could be pathetic the example of the
importance of time, that the fabulist Jean LaFontaine demonstrated in this
story "The Cicada and the Ant". This story provides a beautiful moral
that I may apply in a couple relationships; "Whoever wants to have a good
winter, while there´re young, should take advantage of time." Let me adapt
this moral with the concept of the family and its importance, "Whoever
wants to pass eternity with his family, while they get married, they must take time
to develop the attributes that would allow them to achieve this goal after this
life.”
In our constant efforts to be self-sufficient
we can learn the principles that would allow us to strengthen our marriage
bonds. Gottman describes this effort as our emotional bank account. How was
this account opened? And what should we do to keep it open always to meet our
needs? What are some things that can affect our efforts to increase our
emotional savings? Through ´´The Cicada and the Ant´´ story we learn sooner or
later we will face the winter, where the heat that characterizes our spring relationship
can cool down, without our reserve in our emotional bank account it would be
difficult to maintain the heat and the source of life that could strengthen our
relationship.
Gottman
says; ´´In marriage, couples are always making what I call “bids” for each
other’s attention, affection, humor, or support. Bids can be as minor as asking
for a backrub or as significant as seeking help in carrying the burden when an
aging parent is ill. The partner responds to each bid either by turning toward
the spouse or turning away. A tendency to turn toward your partner is the basis
of trust, emotional connection, passion, and a satisfying sex life.
References
Gottman,
John (2015. The Seven Principles for
Making Marriage Work. New York, Harmony
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